the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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