i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
