His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
