1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's shark week go big or go home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
