We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
