I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
