the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
