I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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