So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
