I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What a dumb baby whore.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
