I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
