My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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