We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
