I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
