Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
