he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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