he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
