Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
