i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
