is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
