My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
