she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
