Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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