I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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