I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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