My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
