May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
