On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
