I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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