I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
