just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
