Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
