moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
