soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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