found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
