Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
