Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
