I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
