party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
