Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
