Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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