alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
