had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
