her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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