my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
