Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
