did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize