he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
