1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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