You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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