Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
