I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
