one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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