ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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