Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
