So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
