I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
