I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
