how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
