Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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