Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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